HAPPY M-M-M-MONDAY, NEIGHBOR!
hOLY moly Bubby is getting to you on a Monday for once lately? I’m shooketh myself. Look at how great you look today though, bud! It’s nice to see ya again.
Anyway, welcome to August in Chattanooga! It already is feeling promisin’ from this Monday alone (granted I love me a good afternoon rainstorm to cool things off). We’ve got some fun topics to chat about, like Meemaw’s back-to-school tips and Clementine’s favorite subject that she’s yearnin’ to jump back into (English, if y’ain’t noticed).
That said, Meemaw said if I’m gonna keep doin’ this newsletter gig I gotta keep good grades this year, so expect things shiftin’ on back to our normal song-and-dance of Monday mornins’.
Let’s do this dang thang, pals!
Today's Issue Includes:
As always, we’ve added a fresh track to this week’s issue purely for vibes as you read. Click the link below before ya start reading if you wanna listen!
This week’s Front Porch Partner is Go-To-Millions!
Together with
This week's Front Porch Partner is once again Go-to-Millions, the ecommerce growth newsletter from Ari Murray that’s packed to the brim with tactical stuff for operators, and no mushy strategy in sight.
Every lil' click sends $1.31 jingle janglin' straight into the Chattynooga coin purse. Appreciate ya, neighbor!
Alright Ari, show 'em how it's done!
Your Boss Will Think You’re an Ecom Genius
You’re optimizing for growth. You need ecom tactics that actually work. Not mushy strategies.
Go-to-Millions is the ecommerce growth newsletter from Ari Murray, packed with tactical insights, smart creative, and marketing that drives revenue.
Every issue is built for operators: clear, punchy, and grounded in what’s working, from product strategy to paid media to conversion lifts.
Subscribe free and get your next growth unlock delivered weekly.
What’s Goin’ On in the Scenic City?
Community
AirPower History Tour
Wednesday, August 5 - Sunday, August 9 @ Chattanooga Metropolitan Airport | 9:00 AM - 5:00 PM
Some of the most legendary aircraft of World War II are landing in Chattanooga for one incredible weekend! Step aboard beautifully restored warbirds, explore aviation history up close, and even take to the skies with a ride aboard select aircraft. Come see the planes that helped change history and the volunteers working to keep their stories alive.
127 Yard Sale
Thursday, August 6 - Sunday, August 9 All Around Chattanooga
Everybody loves a good yard sale, and the world's longest is rolling through the Chattanooga area this weekend. There are two huge vendor markets at the Mountain Arts Community Center on Signal Mountain and Vinterest Southside, so there are thousands of unique treasures waiting for you to find. These are just two of Chattanooga's official stops; you can check out the full 127 Yard Sale Major Vendor Stop list to see where else the hunt will take you!
Music and Entertainment
Vision + Verse: Performing Afrofuturism
Thursday, August 6 @ Hunter Museum | 6:00 - 7:00 PM
Experience the future through music, movement, and spoken word at the Hunter Museum's latest Vision + Verse performance. This free performance transforms the galleries into a stage as local artists use poetry, music, and dance to respond to Noogavision: Entering the Empathic Universe and the ideas of Afrofuturism. After the performance, you'll have the chance to meet the artists, ask questions, and continue the conversation about the ideas that inspired the evening.
Summer Skate Night: Boogie Wonderland
Friday, August 6 @ Calvary Pavilion | 7:00 - 9:00 PM
Break out the bell bottoms and get ready to roll! Dress in your favorite disco-inspired outfit, lace up your skates, and spend the evening gliding to funky throwback tunes. Come early for the pre-skate pizza meetup at Mr. T's, then head over with the group for one last Summer Skate Night!
Outdoors ‘n’ Stuff
Back to School Petting Zoo
Saturday, August 7 @ Audubon Acres | 10:00 AM - 12:00 PM
School is back in session, but the summer fun isn't over just yet! Get up close with lots of friendly farm animals and spend the day exploring the beautiful grounds of Audubon Acres. Bring the whole family for a perfect day on the farm!
Pirates, Parrots, and Princesses
Sunday, August 8 @ Chattanooga Zoo | 10:00 AM - 1:00 PM
Calling all princesses, pirates, and adventurers! You’ll have chances to meet your favorite princesses and pirates and enjoy special keeper chats and animal experiences throughout the park. The event is free with Zoo admission, and children 12 and under who arrive in themed costumes receive 50% off admission, so don't forget to dress the part!
Got somethin’ cookin’ that the Scenic City oughta know about?
Tell us all about it with our new and improved events form, or just reply to this email with your event details and we’ll go from there!
We’re gettin’ ready for Hope on the Porch!
Howdy friends! Remember last year’s Hope on the Porch series that we did last month? Well we’re runnin’ it back again after the success of our crew meeting our fundraisin’ goal of $500, and we would love to double it to raise $1,000 dollaroos from our porch for the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention’s Out of the Darkness Walk in Chattanooga. We’re startin’ up a bit early and askin’ kindly for y’all’s help in raisin’ money and awareness for an important cause that’s super duper easy:
Sign up for the walk at Coolidge Park on November 1, 2026 through our team page. Any donations made here will go directly towards our team goal and the Chattanooga walk’s total donation goal of $15,000!
If you are a neighbor readin’ this that has been personally impacted by suicide (either a survivor, have lost a loved one, etc.) and are interested in sharing your story, shoot us a reply! We would love to honor our neighbors by letting others know they’re not alone in this town. Your story is just as important to make it happen. 🫶
Finally, for the entire month of September, 100% of all ad revenue from our Front Porch Partners section will be donated directly towards our fundraiser goal, so just clicking those suckers while you’re here will go directly towards suicide prevention throughout the state of Tennessee!
We’ll share more about our Hope on the Porch Series throughout the next couple of weeks, so stick around and thanks so much for the love, bud!
Meemaw’s Best Back-to-School Tips
Well pals, the buses are fixin' to start groanin' down our streets this week after a lovely summertime, and it just ain’t sittin’ with me this mornin’ thinking about all the other kids who are gonna be just as nervous prolly, so I figured I’d go to the best sort of southern comfort when i’m in a jumble: Meemaw.
She was elbow-deep in a sink of dishes she wouldn't let me touch, and she whipped her head right at me, said, "Bubby, I got a list for ya to write down. Go get’cha pen.” and I scrambled at her orders knowing I’d have minutes before the thought would fizzle out of her brain if left simmerin’ too long.
So here it is, in all it’s glory from a seasoned woman who has sent generations of squirmy kids out the door with a lunchbox and a warnin' to be good:
Meemaw's Official Back-to-School Wisdom for Youngins (and their Parents)
1. Lay clothes out the night before like a person
Shirt on top, britches under it, socks down in the shoes. Make a little flat young'un right there on the floor. A mornin's got enough decidin' in it already, I want ya to open your eyes and see somebody who's already halfway ready. Let tomorrow's you have one less thing to fuss with; He's a busy fella.
2. Put somethin' in your belly. Warm, if the mornin' allows it
I ain't talkin' about a spread. Heck, even grits'll do. An egg. A piece of toast with the butter run clear to the edges, not them sad little dabs in the middle. Nerves need somethin' to sit on top of, else they'll rattle around loose in ya all day like a marble in a coffee can.
4. Learn the janitor's name the first week
Learn who cleans up, who cooks, and who drives, and learn 'em by name, not by what they do for ya. Them's the ones who'll look out for ya when ya need lookin' out for. Sixty-odd years I've believed that and it ain't failed me yet.
5.Parents: that frettin' means ya love 'em. Don't go handin' it to 'em on the way out the door
Do your worryin' in the car on the way home, honey. They got enough in their own bag this mornin' without totin' yours on the other shoulder.
6. Carry a little somethin' from home in that backpack.
Creek rocks, a cute picture, a note down in the front pocket. Don't gotta be worth a nickel, it just has to be from the house. When that hallway gets loud, ya put your thumb on it and remember where ya come from.
Welp, there ya have it folks. She might get a lil’ cranky if she hasn’t watched all of her morning Gunsmoke re-runs, but that lady’s got a lot of experience livin’ in that noggin of hers.
Gotta tip to add to the list? Drop a reply! Lord knows we can use all the tips we can get.
Clementine’s Corner: What’s in a word?
Otorhinolaryngologist.
That’s what I’m talking about today. Hang with me, there’s a story and a nerdy lesson here.
So Bubby and I were hanging out in the backyard the way we do watching some silly videos on Meemaw’s iPad. There’s this Banana Ball team called the Chili Peppers that make these funny videos where their teammate Francis, who’s Dominican and his first language is Spanish, tries to pronounce tricky English words like croissant, bologna, and encyclopedia. The bit is that his teammates are holding water in their mouths trying not to laugh at his pronunciation. It’s a whole thing, it’s pretty funny, just go with me on this.
Now I’ve always said that English is the silliest language because what do you mean laughter and daughter sound nothing alike?? And let’s be honest, I don’t know how to pronounce worcestershire either.
But sometimes, words DO make sense! And that brings me back to…
OTORHINOLARYNGOLOGIST.
Bubby took one look at that word and said, “Shoooo-wee, that looks like Greek to me.” And I was so excited to tell him that YES! IT IS!
Listen, I think it’s so cool that words break down into tiny parts with individual meaning that you put them together and it means something! Anything! Yes, it’s nerdy. No, I don’t care. Greek roots are my jam.
oto - ear | rhino - nose | laryngo - throat | log - study | ist - one who practices
An otorhinolaryngologist is just a dang ear nose throat doctor! I had one of those take out my tonsils when I was five, you know. Bubby said he would have guessed a veterinarian that does surgery for rhinos, which is honestly pretty close.
Anyway, words are cool, and this logophile is ready for back to school!
(That poem was accidental, btw. Okay, bye.)
Y’all, it’s Grilled Cheese o’clock and I’m late.
Before ya go, pals: there's gonna be a whole lot of folks standin' in a doorway they ain't stood in before this week. Kids, sure. But teachers, parents, and probably you about somethin'.
Meemaw'd tell ya scared ain't the opposite of brave, but what bravery feels like from the inside. So go on and do the thing a little scared, neighbor.
And if ya need somebody to sit with while ya work up to it: well, ya know where our porch steps are.
Now go sharpen a pencil and your mind this week.
— Bubby & Clementine
