It’s Monday, and I’m sweatin’ somethin’ fierce.

Y’all know those cartoon episodes where the whole plotline is just, “Hey, it’s hot, that’s the episode.” well uh, surprise! We ain’t above doin’ one too. So strap in, get yerself an ice cold cuppa water to go alongside yer mug of coffee, and get ready for a refreshing dose of Chattynooga straight to yer noggin to keep ya all cool inside and outside this morning!

Today's Issue Includes:

• This week's Front Porch Partner: The Rundown AI

• Chattanooga's Upcoming Events

• Community Spotlight: David the Lookouts Ball Boy

• Stuff I saw on the internet: Stimulation Clicker

• Hot Takes with Bubby

• Clementine's Corner: Out of Office

• Wrap Up

Front Porch Partnerships

Alright pals, gather ‘round. this here’s what we call a Front Porch Partnership, meanin’ it ain’t local-local, but it does help keep our newsletter runnin’ smoother than a lemonade stand with free refills.

And this week’s partner is shellin’ out more than just good info, they’re droppin’ $1.25 into the Chattynooga piggy bank for each person who clicks this little ad doohickey. I repeat: One. Dollar. And. Twenty-Five. Cents. That’s almost enough for a popsicle and a gas station corn dog.

Even if ya don’t end up signin’ up, just tappin’ that link helps support Chattynooga, so thanks for takin’ a peek! I wouldn’t invite ‘em to the porch if I didn’t think y’all might get a kick outta it. Now go on and give it a click, it’s also a practice round for what’s waitin’ for ya below! Take it away The Rundown AI!

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What’s Goin’ On in the Scenic City?

Community

• Chattanooga Summer Cocktail Festival
  Friday, 6/27 @ First Horizon Pavilion | 6:00-9:00 PM
  Celebrate golden hour with 12 mini summer cocktails, local vendors, and a whole lotta cheersin’.
  🍹 Sip & See

• Let’s Lu’au Summer Kickoff
  Saturday, 6/28 @ Southside Social | All Day
  Soakers, DJs, and sunshine? Yes please. Family fun by day, island party by night. Flip-flops welcome.
  🌺 A Hawaiian Rollercoaster Ride

• Summerween
  Saturday, June 28 @ Patten Square | 6:00-10:00 PM
  It’s Halloween in July (almost). Costumes, fire dancers, contests, and watermelons carved into chaos.
  👻 Somethin’ Spookier than this Heat

• Community Yard Sale and Market
  Sunday, 6/29 @ Montague Sculpture Field | 11:00 AM - 6:00 PM
  A grassroots market supporting Palestinian families, Semillas, and the Women’s Fund of Chattanooga.
  🕊️ Come Thrift for the Community

Music & Entertainment

• New Moon Ritual and Workshop
  Wednesday, 6/25 @ Verre Noir | 6:00-8:00 PM
  Set intentions, sip tea, and craft your own crystal pendulum under the Cancer New Moon.
  🌑 Manifest & Make

• Make a Mo-ment: Illustration Day
  Saturday, June 28 @ Creative Discovery Museum | 11:00 AM - 2:00 PM
  Mo Willems-inspired fun with sketchbooks, storytime, and meet-the-artist magic. Perfect for young creatives (or lovers of the pigeon drivin’ that bus).
  🐦 Draw Me In

• Le Cirque Noir
  Saturday, June 28 @ The Boneyard - 5:00 PM - 12:00 AM
  Fire dancers, aerial acts, tarot readings, and midnight mischief. A dark circus dream for grown-ups.
  🎪 This is the Greatest Show

• Concert for a Cause
  Saturday, June 28 @ The Woodshop
  All-local, all-women music night supporting mental health orgs like the AIM Center, plus a themed coffee cocktail from our friends at Be Caffeinated!

  🎤 Be the Change

Outdoors ‘n’ Stuff

• Wellness Way
  Wednesday, 6/25 @ Renaissance Park | 9:00 AM
  Join a morning of yoga, drum circles, and movement dedicated to Black men’s mental health, open to all!
  🌿 Walk this (Wellness) Way.

• Learn to Ride a Bicycle
  Friday, 6/27 @ Various Locations | 6:45-7:45 PM
  It’s never too late to learn! This free workshop teaches teens & adults how to confidently roll.
  🚲 Let’s Ride!

• Food Truck Take Over
  Saturday, 6/28 @ Old McDonald Farm | 10:00 AM - 5:00 PM
  Live music, local art, and a field full of food trucks. Pack stretchy pants.
  🌮 Snack Attack!

• Hike with Pride
  Saturday, 6/28 @ Stringer’s Ridge | 5:30-8:30 PM
  Celebrate identity and community with a joyful sunset hike to close out Pride Month. Allies welcome, no registration needed!
  🥾 Step with Pride

Got somethin’ cookin’ that the Scenic City oughta know about? Wanna talk about how cool your weekend was? Tell us all about it! We’d love to yap it up and holler all about it from the porch! Just reply to this message, or send a separate one to [email protected]!

Hand-Picked Community Spotlight: David, the Lookouts’ Bat Boy

Okay, I’ll just say it: even though Clementine is a diehard Atlanta Braves fan and ain’t afraid to let everyone know about it, I don’t really get baseball. It’s hot. The games are long. And every time I try to keep up with the rules, someone throws a ball at 90 miles an hour and yells something about ERA, and I just sit there pretending I know what that means.

But I do know this: I love the Chattanooga Lookouts. And I don’t mean I love the Lookouts like I’m also a Tennessee Vols Fan (y’all get it). Not for the home runs, but for the heart, and no one brings more of it than David, the team’s bat boy who made his dreams come true without hesitation.

Ya see, David has somethin’ called Downs Syndrome. Ain’t nothin’ bad, just means he sees the world with a little more personality and love than the rest of us folks do. And his world revolves around baseball, supportin’ the folks that make the game what it is, while showin’ up to every game like it’s the best day of his life. He passes out water, pumps up the players, and makes sure the entire stadium feels like family.

So no, I might not get the stats. But I do get the joy of doin’ something you’ve wanted to do yer whole life. And joy like David’s? That’s worth rootin’ for.

Stuff I Saw on the Internet: Stimulation Clicker

Some websites are designed to help ya learn new things, stay productive, or feel inspired. This is not one of those websites.

Welcome to the chaotic, overstimulating masterpiece that is Stimulation Clicker: a game where every click earns you “Stimulation Points” to spend on whatever your dopamine-seeking heart desires.

At first, it’s simple. You click. You get a point. But soon… the screen starts crowding with:

• True crime podcasts whispering ominously

• A Windows XP error sound on loop

• A purple DVD logo bouncing chaotically

• Party poppers and confetti flying in every direction

• Subway Surfers just playin’ in the corner in true brainrot fashion

• And somehow, it’s still not enough.

That said, here’s why I’m lovin’ it:

• Perfect for fried summer brains that just want to giggle and click stuff

• A glorious tribute to overstimulation culture (lookin’ at you, ADHD community)

• Weirdly… relaxing?? In a "my neurons are dancing and can’t really stop" kinda way.

Well? What are ya waitin’ for? You can get started with your first click down below! Good luck stoppin’ after that though.

Hot Takes with Bubby

Now I know I’ve said a lot of questionable things in my life, like how I firmly believe squirrels have secret societies or that otters are just wet raccoons in disguise.

But today? Today I bring you my spiciest Summer opinions, and I ain’t takin’ ‘em back, even if I lose ALL of my dang subscribers. I read somewhere that if ya ain’t makin’ someone mad with yer journalism, then ya ain’t a real journalist. Well, I hope these bad boys light a fire under ya this mornin’:

• Lookout Mountain is just a big ol’ hill wearin’ a monocle. Yeah I said it. It’s got grandeur, sure, but deep down it’s just Signal’s bougie cousin (but ya know what, good for them).

• Banana popsicles are the superior popsicle. If you disagree, it’s okay to have wrong opinions pal.

• I’d rather sweat in a Waffle House without air conditonin’ than stand in line at Clumpies. Nothing against the ice cream, I just believe dignity ends when the wait hits 40 minutes. Phew, they sure make a good ice cream though.

• Coolidge Park’s water fountain? Soggy sock simulator. 10/10 for chaos, 3/10 for foot comfort.

• MoonPies should be available at all restaurants. Fine dining? MoonPie. Sushi place? MoonPie. Vegan café? Vegan MoonPie, brother man.

But y’know what? That’s the beauty of this city. Chattanooga’s weird enough that someone out there probably agrees with me. And if not, well, I’ll just keep yellin’ into my box fan for that super cool robot voice and see who hears me.

I’m curious, any of y’all got a hot Chattanooga take that’s hotter than mine? Maybe you think we should be a National Parking Lot City, or that we should just… get rid of the Walnut Street Bridge altogether (Ya need to eat a Snickers if yer thinkin’ this, cause you ain’t thinkin’ straight right now).

Drop a reply in the comments or reply back to this email, maybe we’ll feature ya on our Instagram this week!

Clementine’s Corner: Outta Office for Summer Break

Heya, folks! I’m calling in sick this issue. I had a yard sale yesterday. In June. It was hot. I am tired. The Braves lost. You get it.

I’ve officially retired from productivity for the time being, but maybe you can help me find some inspiration for my next Corner. If you’ve seen something fun or weird or sparkly or possibly snack-related around town lately, lemme know!

Welp, time for an ice bath y’all.

We’ve laughed, we’ve sweated, we’ve debated whether banana popsicles are valid (they are), and we even managed to find joy in overstimulating websites and backyard box fans.

Summer’s in full swing, and if this issue had a scent, it’d be equal parts sunscreen, grill smoke, and sidewalk chalk. So whether you’re hittin’ the yard sales, sneakin’ a sip at the cocktail fest, or just sittin’ still with a popsicle stuck to your leg, I hope you remember this:

“You don’t gotta go fast. You just gotta keep showin’ up - sweat and all.”

See ya next week with even more Chattanooga chatter! Until then, stay cool, stay weird, and please, for the love of all things fried, water yer plants.

— Bubby & Clementine